i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
