handjob tips. give me some.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
