Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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