At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
