all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
