if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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