I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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