I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dicks are not precious.
I need a beard to bite.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
