Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
