This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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