Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
