If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
