Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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