We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
