Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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