if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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