Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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