I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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