coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
