is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
