I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
