So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
