R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Drunk is not a location!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
