My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
