I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
