i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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