Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
