Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
