i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
not ubering you a puppy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
