I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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