all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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