i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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