How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
