all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
