So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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