there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
