lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
