i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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