Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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