We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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