Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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