I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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