if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
