I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
