New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this will be a night to untag.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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