I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
