the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
