I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
