The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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