I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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