Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
