Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
